TOP funny joke of the day for kids

 






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1 There were three friends, they were olive, John and chika, were discussing at a bar about coincidences.

Olive, " I dnt no why give birth to twins, maybe because my wife always read a book titled "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"

Chika, "That's funny",

John, "No not funny guy, I remarked, "my wife too always loved to read 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" so It not funny

Chika, "yeeeeeeeweeeeeeeeeeeee.. .. shouted, "blessed God, I have to run then home! Now now " the problem was that," When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!

2 Chika runs into the police station to report a cause of is missing dog, screaming for help!  help!!  Help!!!, he rush to one officer office. The officer sit him down and ask to came down before any other thing. After some time, he then ask what the problem is. He answered in an angry voice and say "John dog have been running after my batch" 

3 Chika was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure, after jumped out then "You count to 1-10 and pull the first rip cord. If the chute doesn't open, then pull the second. Then, after you land, there will be a truck waiting to pick you up. "Then the commander," after I count 3 you make your jump out of the plane". Ok sir. after 3, he jumped out of the plane, He counted to ten and pulled the rip cord. failed to open. He pulled the second rip cord and the chute still didn't open. As he plummeted downward, he said, to himself "R. I. P"

4 Chika and his wife were having a big argument when taking breakfast. "You are not that good in bed!", and stormed off to work. When he got to office, he decided to make amends and called home.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."


5 Q; Who is the mama joke.?

A; HUMOR 

6 Q; who won the day dirty art
A; riddle

7 Chika in London, sending mail to mam putt in Nigerian.

"MA, I bag get me better fufu, with okoroafor, and four meat package and send it to me via DHL "

8 Teacher : who is the first man that drive a car

Chika : Adam and eve.

9 Chika coming from John's house with dull and angry face, he was at the gate shouting....  Daddy!  Daddy!!  Daddy!!!

Daddy : what is it......

Chika : do you remember John my classmates, that I ones told you about the death of his father?

Daddy : yeah............ What happened to him

Chika : today is the final burial.  And I want there to help him, after all have Don to help him he pay me back by not giving me a pic of meat and I let him know that if my father died next week I will do my

10 There was a police officer on his horse waiting to cross the railway line, when chika and his friends on there new sports bike, stopped beside him.

"Nice bikes," said the police, "you most have inport it from Japan?"

"Yep," said John, "we surely did, his our daddy that brought it from there trip!"

Uhmm," tell your dad's that next time they should issue each one of you a drive license"

Uhmm "chika replied, "nice horse you got their sir, the state government gave it to you?" "Yea, He sure did," said the officer.

Look up, with the most serious face and say, "Next time tell the government to put the weiner underneath the horse instead of on top of it!" 

11Chika: Ma please can i use the bathroom?

Teacher: as long as you can recite the ABC to Z.

CHIKA : ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ

Teacher: wheres the P ?

Chika : running down to the bathroom

12 Chika's daddy comes back home from a long journey, and find his son pressing a new phone. "Where did you get the money for the phone? It must have cost 200€," he asked.

"Take it Easy, Dad," chika replied. "I make it from hiking daddy."

"Come on chika," the father said. "say the truth."

"Daddy don't you believe me anymore, That is the truth!" chika replied.

Ok........ Ok.............. Ok....... Let me explain

"Every night when you were not around, Mom's boss, Mr. John, would come to see Mom. He gave me a 10€ and tell me to take a hike!"

So please daddy take whatever you want and go cos I need today's money for sub

13 Chika with his friend olive, were yabing each other

Chika : Yo mama so dirty that when she use the public toilet, she got arrested for killing the toilet

Olive : Yo mama so dirty that the third world  countries could passive her vagina odor.

Chika : Yo momma so dirty that when she swim the Atlantic Ocean all the fishs fall seek.

Olive : Yo mama so dirty that even the car wash can't clean her vagina

Chika : Yo Mama So Dirty, that anytime She Talked, all the fishs in the ocean run for their life

Oliver : Yo mama's room is so dirty, that the broom always get angry when cleaning

Chika : Yo mama so dirty that when she walk down the streets, poor
people offer her soap to Beth

14 CHEMISTRY class

Teacher : How do you make holy water?

Chika : uhmm very simple, just Boil the hell out of it.

15 chika and his girlfriend goes to a bar. They find  picture of a naked lady with only her privates covered with leaves. The girlfriend doesn't like it and moves on but chika keeps looking.
She asks, "What are you waiting for?"

Chika replies,"I was thinking why we they do a lady like this"

16 Teacher :What do you call an ant who can't play the drum set?
Chika ; Discordant

17 One day chika was coming back home from school with a note posted on his Chest. On the note says: Dear parent, apparently chika has been having problems In telling the difference between THREE and TREE, Please sit down with him and explain to him.

18 Teacher :What do you call an 150 year old ant?
Chika ; An antique

Chika : shouted, Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight! Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire.

19 Teacher : What do you call your ant who lives with your great uncle?
Chika ; Your great-ant

20 What will profit chika, that has iPhone 6, Samsung Galaxy x4, Blackberry play book, and a new Bugatti. And still have deputy to pay landlord.

21 What will profit chika, that has 4 wife's, and still pay olosho to have a good time.

22 what will profit chika, that has a
blackberry phone but no suscription.

haaha.....  You are still following me, am just trying to drop jokes for the day. Ok take more

23 what will profit a man that has an
android that the screen has broken

24 what will profit a man that has a
Chain phone that there is no music

25 Chika : comes back from school and his  father said, "let me see your report card."

Chika replied, "I don't have it with me now."

"Why ?" father asked.

"John borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

26 Teacher : What did the nose say to the finger?

Chika : Stop picking on me.

Teacher : What did the tie say to the hat?

Chika :  Go ahead and I'll hang around!

Teacher : Where does bad light go?

Chika : humor!

Teacher : What did one plate say to one another?

Chika : Dinners on me

27. Little Johnny: "Daddy, I fell in love and I want to date this awesome girl!". Daddy: "That's great son. Who is she ?" little Johnny: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter" "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister, The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son said his daddy: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter! "Father : "That's great son. Who is she ?"little Johnny: "It's joy, the other neighbor's daughter. Daddy: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Joy is also your sister." This went on couple of times and little Johnny was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying. Little Johnny: "Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their biological father! The mother hugs him affectionately and says : "My love, you can date whoever you want. Dont listen to him He isn't your father".

28.Sandra: I wrote your name on sand it got washed. And to wrote it in the air but still  was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart and I got Heart Attack. Little juhnny: I was hungry, and someone give me food. I was so thirsty,  and another ones give me water. I find myself in darkness, then I saw a light coming ahead and it was you. Little Johnny: The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you..?
Sandra: Roses are red;Violets are blue. Monkeys like you should be kept in ZOO. Little Johnny: don't feel so angry you will find me there too... Not in cage but laughing at YOU. WHO WON ? Johnny or Sandra ?

29.After the long holiday season, everyone back in school with new uniforms, shoes, bags, books and many More....

Little Johnny's teacher comes to there class and say; Wahoo this class is looking "contagious"and the class boots in laugh at the same time. The teacher said today's class is going to be "contagious"  one.

The teacher now asked can anyone in this class use the word "contagious" in a sentence...

Chika raises his hand. "Yes, Chika?" he answers, "I was at the doctor's office with my dad, and he said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious."

"Very good, Chika!" the teacher said, "Anyone else want to try?" John raises his hand. "Yes, John?" he answers, "My uncle told me not to 2go again because then everybody else on 2go.  He says 2go is  "contagious."

"Excellent one, John! Very creative," the teacher praises. "Okay, one more volunteer." Little Johnny raises his hand. "Yes, Johnny?"

" uhmm uhmm", Johnny clear his troops and he says, "I was helping my uncle in there house last weekend, and I saw there neighbor washing his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my uncle, 'uncle, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know boy, but it's gonna take that contagious." time. 

30.Only in America movies you will see just only one person killing billions of people with just a small guns and you will not find a drop of blood on is clothes," yes or no. 

31.Only in Nigeria you will see Nigeria products write on it "made in China"  made in Japan". "made in USA" ask me why "why" cos if they write made in Nigeria uhm believe me nobody will buy it,

32.Only in Nigeria, something that happened three days ago, and they will be broadcast it as "Breaking news", did I lie.

33.Only in Malaysia guy they sell kidney. 

34.Only in Nigeria you will see yahoo yahoo guy, having iPhone, iPad, Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport. And still bord okada okada. Why; Nigeria police. 

35.Only in Nigeria you will see traditional worship will be giving there Idols "goat, hen, pamoil, and other things. Yes or no

36.Only in America you will child having the same power with the parents, uhmmmmmmm.... Please note. If you try that in Nigeria..

37.Only in Nigeria, Ghana, Togo, and Kanye, you will find old man selling a book title "how to make sure money" walking Street to Street, state to state and still beg to eat. Why don't him read the book to make money..

38."Hey, Mom," welcome. After some min Little Johnny,  asked? "can you give me ten dollars?. For what? asked his mother. "If you do,"  I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? what did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, sintia, do you remember that my tip is tomorrow, make sure you wash my socks as soon as you get home.'"

39. Chika Returns Home After 35 Years.

Daddy: "Angry" Where the hell have you been all these years?

Chika: I was working to make cool money Daddy.... in Abuja.

Daddy: What!!! Get cool money.

Chika: "Yeah.........."

Daddy: so which company are you working and which work are you doing there?

Chika: company......? "no am not working in any of those companies"  am self employed. Yahoo +

Daddy: what yahoo +,  I had known you to be a lazy boy right from childhood, now get out of my house you Whore! I don't want to set my eyes on you again in my life. do you understand?

Chika: "Crying". And in a crying voice, Before I go dad, I had come to give you this $50million cheque, and here is $1million for my brother. I have bought you a big mansion in USA, everything in it including two Ferrari and a Bugatti, for you and mom. and one privet jet for you only....... But now you are sending me out of your house, who will own all this? Any way Bye dad.

Daddy: What kind of work did you say you were doing?

Chika: (Crying out more) And say yahoo+ dad!

Daddy: Come and give daddy a hug, don't you know that today is "APRIL 1ST" 

40.Joe: hello, who is that?

Chika: reply.... Guy longst time.

Joe: how far na, haa guy you don fuck up oh.  Anyway thanks God you called course have been trying to get you but not going..........  I just wanna tell you that your big brother is back from UK, with one new Bugatti.

Chika: guy you know now that Bros get cool cash

Joe: ok....... Happy new month "APRIL 1ST"

It was 3am why chika was enjoying the mid night dram. He got a call from his friend John

John : guy how far na?

Chika : answering in a sleeping voice, guy I dey lonely

John : I wanna tell you happy "APRIL 1ST" 

41.Chika : boss I find this in my office, this morning sir

Boss : so what should I do?  You can't knock before coming in to my office,

Chika : sorry sir, but I don't do anything bad sir. I just won a billion dollars contract for the company

Boss : ok open the letter and let see.

He opened it and bost into laugh. Boss it John that wanna kill me

Boss : what do you mean?

Chika : the note says, APRIL FOOL